DETOX

This weekend I learned of two areas in my life that are in need of a detox. I've had an interesting relationship with food. But I'd say my relationship with food is probably the best now, than it has ever been. But that's not to say it's perfect. I don't necessarily have cravings for unhealthy foods anymore, but I tend to find myself still using food as a coping mechanism. This is very unhealthy because that means I go to food for something other than nourishment, and it can quickly turn into overeating. I'll overeat, get bloated, and then beat myself up the rest of the week — practically setting myself up for failure. When I'm down, I stay down. I "cheat" and then get sad, and "cheat" more because I'm upset with myself. The five second satisfaction I get from eating an Oreo, is not worth the five hours or five days of spiraling. You must think I'm being obsessive about this. But I've tried everything, and realized for me to get, and stay, healthy I need to completely detox. 

Intuitive eating is what I practice today. Trusting my body to tell me when and what to eat, while making sure my body is provided with the necessary nutrients throughout the day. I strive to balance my nutrients throughout the day. If the main nutrient from my breakfast is a bread-carb (ex. oatmeal, bagel, avocado toast, etc.), I'll make sure lunch/dinner contain the rest of the important nutrients from fruits, veggies, or protein. Basically, I try to have bread-carbs only once throughout my day and make fruits and veggies the highlighted ingredients. I get most of my protein from plant protein, because meat is harder for our bodies to digest. When I do though, it's usually poultry or seafood. I'm not perfect, but I've had a JOURNEY with food and I am happy with what I know now, and where I'm at with my own diet. But still, with all of that, I "cheat." "Cheating," to me, is eating dairy, processed sugars, refined/simple carbs, fried foods, overeating, or not balancing my nutrients. When I "cheat," it turns into a whole week/weekend of "cheating." And this weekend I realized I don't even like it — Oreo's are too sweet and, honestly, I was craving brussel sprouts. I don't crave unhealthy foods anymore — why do I use them as a coping mechanism. And when I do, I immediately regret it. I am done with this healthy-unhealthy limbo. I don't crave it anymore, so I won't eat it when it's around me. Why not, when I'm hurting, go to God's Word, have a personal worship service, or meditate. Replacing unhealthy habits with intimate time with Christ, is the obvious answer. I didn't want to see that — I wanted to feel bad for myself instead of running to the one who takes it all. Talk about DRAMATIC! I just realized all of this Sunday night... I'm still a work in progress. 

We're detoxing our diets, and we're detoxing our thoughts. Jesus really opened my eyes this weekend. Not only, did I need a physical detox, but a mental detox. My grammy is reading the book, Forgiving What You Can't Forget, by Lysa Terkeurst. This book, she said, is CONVICTING. Whatever past hurt/trauma you're holding onto, that relies on forgiveness, will be dug up. Forgiveness is one of my biggest problems. I am really good at lying to myself. I'll tell myself that I've forgiven the person and I'll be good with that, but when that hurt/person is brought up again...I'm like...I GOT TEA! That doesn't sound like forgiveness :/

Lysa Terkeurst is a woman who was cheated on by her husband of 25 years. Forgiving What You Can't Forget, is her story of learning what true forgiveness is, through Christ. I didn't read the book (i most definitely will though), but I got the surface level message from my Grammy. True forgiveness can only be found when you see that person(s), as Jesus sees them. Yeah, I'll give you a second to soak that in. Anytime I think of someone I've "forgiven" (and this is more like big things, not just that one time your sister accidentally pulled your skirt down in the middle of wal-mart...sorry tori), I definitely don't see them as a lost soul that I love. That's huge! All of the toxicity and negativity I hold onto, can be completely resolved if I let go, and let God. Why do I continue to hold onto it? My unforgiving, is similar to picking a scab. As the wound tries to heal, I keep opening it back up. I recognize the hurt is mine, but holding onto that pain is only hurting me. We shouldn't let ourselves become burdened with past hurt — truly forgive and find comfort in Christ.

K THANKS BYE,

Every day, I'm growing. With the help of Jesus Christ I am growing, but no one said it would be easy. I'm just starting to understand true forgiveness, so that's eighteen years to go back through. And the same with food — this Monday, February 22nd, is the start of my true detox. No more "cheat days," because I use them as a crutch to continue finding comfort in food. I'll find comfort in Christ and separate food from my feelings. I got kinda deep this post, but we're real here... so it's whatever!

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