WHAT I'M CHANGING IN 2022
I was struggling these past few months. This blog is like my journal, and honestly I don’t know why I’m letting it be read. Because in these moments, when I only have energy to make sad girl playlists on Spotify, I don't really want to share. But by November, the Lord opened my eyes to see how He's working in my life.
In almost every moment of this year, I felt the Lord’s presence. In my work and personal life the Lord continually provided. But, of course, Satan had to find a way to derail me. In all of the positives, I couldn't stop thinking of the negatives. I have a wonderful job, but it’s not what I want for my career (I am a preschool teacher's aid/preschool secretary). I am in my head constantly, thinking about my future. For most of September, I was coming home from work crying. I wasn’t working out (which sounds annoying, but it is really important to me). I was exhausted. Instead of being excited for my future, and finding the positives in my present – I resented the present. What is there to be upset about? I went into this year working part-time, but was presented with a full-time position and a raise I didn't even know about until I got my pay stub. Even in the most beautiful moments, I was internalizing my negative thoughts. You don't want to work with children your whole life. This isn't for you. This is wasting the time you could be putting towards your own business.
It's so hard to spend most of your day doing what you don't want, and being too exhausted to spend the rest of your day working towards what you want. I was absolutely drained by 3:00 pm and, needing to be in bed by 9:00 pm for work at 6:00 am the next morning, doesn't allow for much. Satan was really trying to bring me down, and for while, he did.
By October, I realized I was allowing Satan to keep me in a toxic mindset. Not only was I perpetuating the problem – I was the problem. Once I identified my negative thought loop, the Lord opened my eyes. So many beautiful things came into view. My life has never been so beautiful. Like, literally, the world looked more beautiful to me. I felt more confident in my abilities at work. And was even given more responsibilities, which made me feel others believe I am able. And as much as I am not a "childcare life-er," I do understand the importance of early childhood education and can see these children growing, physically and mentally, every day. I was so clouded, for so long, I couldn't appreciate that the Lord has placed children in my life for a reason. Seeing them grow every day, is a physical manifestation of God's creation. I now can say the exact thing Satan was using to pull me away from the Lord, has drawn me closer than ever, and will continue. Although I don't see a future for myself in childcare, I feel confident this is where the Lord wants me right now.
When I look back at this year, and even 2020, everything seems so much more clear. The Lord has been preparing me for a storm. A particularly, young-adult storm that challenged my faith and trust in the Lord's guidance in me deciding a career-path. And He lead me to create Pulita! Which as a business owner (of the smallest business ever), I have already faced a few setbacks. And with every issue, came the intrusive thought of is this really what the Lord wants me to do. The biggest one being, my printer. My printer all of the sudden started printing everything incorrectly, reason being the cardstock I use is too thick for the printer. I don't know why it worked when I first started Pulita, but it's deciding now not to. Just to give you a mental-picture, all of my stationery is printed and my printer not working meant I had to completely start over. I was an absolute mess. But I want Pulita to be my life so bad, I knew I had to shake it off and figure something out. Knowing I've always wanted to get into art prints, I started brainstorming. After so many scribbles and test prints (and lots of tears), I came up with the Fiore Collection.
I've always been "that kid who is good at art." So I took that and ran with it. I labeled myself "artsy," and decided that's my only talent and I had to focus my career around it. But at the school I graduated from, the most advanced medium was watercolor. I thought I would be so far behind in my college studio art classes. Everyone was adding to what they have already learned — I was learning. I, literally, put pen to paper and practiced whenever I could. Cramming three years of what was supposed to be high school art class into three months. This felt like a setback, but the passion I had to catch up put me ahead of even my own expectations. Just within the two semesters I went to college, my abilities in art grew immensely. It felt useless until now. In my studio art classes we were encouraged to get messy. Every line has a purpose; lines to add contrast, detail, structure, and texture. Even the places with no lines are thoughtfully left out. I have never identified with my own art. I never explored new realms. I stuck to realism and didn't have the passion to branch out. In my art classes, everything was new, I had to branch out. My sketches from my studio art classes are some of the first pieces I've identified with. The Fiore Collection reminded me of that — the thoughtful scribbles.
Throughout this year, I have been trying to figure out – well, pretty much everything. The Lord has created a highlight reel of my past, and continually played it in my head until I was able to understand the beauty of it. I am now 100% confident college was not a waste; because without realizing what I don't want, I wouldn't have what I do right now. I have hope in my future, and the future of Pulita. The Lord keeps reassuring me — I am in His hands and that is the safest place I can be.
What I’m changing in 2022 is my resentment for the present. I will put God first in my life, and everything else will come after. Whether it be devotions, working out, having a balanced diet, or doing my skin care routine, I know what is best for me and will try every day to keep those practices. I always feel like I don't have enough time, but it’s what I do with that time that matters. Also, I find myself stuck on what I want, subconsciously disregarding what others need. It isn't like a huge character flaw, but I really want to be aware of others feelings/needs and be able to accommodate them. Making sure I'm using language that supports and uplifts, and asking what others need from me in moments of trials and triumphs. And lastly, I'm changing Pulita. This is a good change and an avenue that I'm really excited to venture. I am done with the “searching” phase of my life (not completely, just the career/purpose part). Now I’m in the phase of my life where I know exactly what I want to do and Who I am doing it for. It won't be easy, and I know I will continue to face the same struggle of my plan not coming to fruition fast enough, but I am equipped with the hope that someday it will. I will continue to pursue God as I pursue my dreams, and pray that in every Pulita purchase His love comes with it.
K THANKS BYE,
I am so excited for 2022… the perfect time for a refresh. Also do we love the new look of the blog? I’m going to change it every year based on my vision board, because that’s how it started. Thank you so much for reading and I wish everyone a happy new year!!! (also spend all of your money on Pulita)
Note: Pulita will at some point get back to stationery, but right now I am obsessed with art prints and Fiore will be Pulita’s first art print collection. With all of that, I have a few not-messed up Pulita stationery sets that I want to sell.
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